Throughout primary school and up to today in college, Iâve always felt that I donât fall into a category.
But isnât that a bad thing that you want to avoid?
Well, yes, with your own identity and interests, but when it comes down to your profession and career goals, fitting into a niche is your best bet.
In high school, everyone seemed to have specific subjects that they were good at.
And since they were good at them, they enjoyed them more, put all their energy into that, and eventually went to pursue that in college, declaring their major as early as junior year in HS.
I felt this was troubling because everything was a challenge for me.
Iâm sure everyone has challenges behind the scenes and hired tutors for that reason, but what I couldn’t do was fake it.
I’m the worst lier and as a result, I told most of my friends that things were difficult for me and in front of the entire class when I couldn’t answer a question.
As a result, that was the perfect opportunity to test if they were real friends or not.
Spoiler alert: They all left me.
But that didn’t bother me because what kept me going for the long run was not hiding my disappointment and anger.
I became frustrated in class when something was confusing and as opposed to waiting for after-school sessions to meet privately with my teacher, I confessed in class my lack of knowledge, embarrassing myself with the questions everyone had.
On that note, what is most upsetting is that my peers didn’t learn that asking questions, confessing your confusion and learning is not something you should display.
But as a downplayer with everything in my life, when I check in with those folks, Iâm proud to say Iâm living more confidently, mentally, and physically in a better place.
But not knowing what I wanted to do or that each subject was impossible for me was always my problem.
It was a problem until I discovered something.
After years of research, reading 134 books on self-help and For Dummies and what makes a great leader, the commonalities between them and how to truly find my happy place, Iâve discovered that 99.9% of the most successful, fulfilled, happiest entrepreneurs, business leaders, and global mentors expressed all their challenges and wanted to feel like an imposter.
Yes, you read that right.
Successful folks want to be unpopular and unlikeable becuase they need to learn long term not prepare for a test.
We want clarification, not confusion.
So how in the world does someone who doesnât know what they want to do, is mediocre and struggles with everything better off than most of us?
Because being average is best, there is no one better than what you need.
Take It Slow
First off, they strive to be average because they take learning as a process, not a destination.
I knew that I would never be able to know everything and have a growth mindset, not a fixed one such as saying, “once I graduate no more learning for me!”
School Isnât Much
For about 10k of you that are out of the 18-25-year-old realm, think back and ask yourself:
What do you remember vividly about HS and what did you enjoy most academically?
No basement parties please.
For me, I remember learning a ton on my own and being extremely frustrated at school.
On the outside, I was calm and collected like everyone.
My classmates asked me to do their homework for them and they would pay me $20 a study guide since I had stellar grades but I worked 10x harder to achieve them since it didnât come easily with no tutor involved.
Everyone works hard but they do it with the wrong intent.
But what I truly will remember that turned into my daily habit and propelled me with this stern work ethic that I use till today is teaching myself more than at school.
Besides the geometry and WWII curriculum which can be important depending on what you do later in life, but for me, I knew I wouldnât want to or deal with that material again so I focused on bettering myself.
I knew I had to still study this and who knows, it doesn’t hurt to know some facts about the Nazii later in life or triangles, so I took it as a challenge rather than a concern.
You always have 2 options.
You can be excited and engaged OR depressed and annoyed.
I always take the path that is harder to set your mind to but it not only makes things easier but also quicker, especially when you want a unit to be done with.
Every day after school while my friends were at lacrosse practice at their country club for 3 hours, I would rush home, grab a snack, and start learning how to read better.
It was always a struggle for me, especially since I wasnât a good writer and I made it a priority to read books I enjoyed.
I read about financial and digital literacy which soon sprang my interest in finance and computer science, two subjects I truly enjoy and are difficult at the same time!
And yes, that should happen!
Don’t be like everyone else who takes the easy route what their parents did or what is easy for you.
That doesn’t help anyone.
How you spend your time and what you do alone will signal where you will be later in life.
Better yourself and just because you donât like reading doesn’t mean you have to read Shakespeare as we do in school.
Be creative with yourself not just on fake social media.
Habits Are Yours
Sure, there are thousands of resources, videos, and manuals but Iâve slowly become sick of them because they donât say anything new!
But if I could summarize some of what they said to save you 100 hours:
1) How you spend 99% of your day will indicate where you will be later in life
2) No one will force you or cheer you on as much as you do
3) You cannot rely on others ot make you excited or happy
4) Explore and fail early on. You will regret the things you didnât do instead of the things you did
5) Comparision doesnât have to be avoided.
Make it a healthy relationship to strive to become better and help others succeed as well.
Set the bar high.
It took a lifetime for 1 sprinter to pass the 1-minute mile but only 2 months later, it was the norm.
If you can see someone do it, you know it is possible as well but donât wait until they do it.
6) If you observe how the most successful 1% of people spend their day, most donât have social media accounts.
They arenât social and rather seductive.
So why are the least likely possibly the most likelyâŚ
Most likely to do what?
Whenever we hear Elon Musk get ready for Battery Day or be interviewed, we get ready for an hour of stutter, nervousness, and pure silence.
He had a rough childhood, social anxiety, and dyslexia that gave him a difficult time growing up.
Iâm thankful that I didnât deal with those disorders but definitely felt social anxiety as we all feel.
He called torture school.
If I could be in his class in middle school in South Africa, I can almost guarantee you he wasnât the most popular or cool kid.
Sure, he might have built race cars after school, but in his classes, he was known to not be a high or top performer.
Those who chase that role are in deep trouble in the real world.
That has not stopped him from creating the most innovative products in the world.
Of course, this sparks the debate, is college worth it and what do you actually get out of school?
From Musk, it can be seen as a waste of time but it certainly helps you understand the world better through ways that you might not even have imagined.
No, not through the lens of Mesopotamia or Robert Frost, but through dealing with people, tasks, tedious assignments, and being able to have the patience to get that degree.
If you decide to drop out of school, sure that is a big risk but you are also very lazy.
You cannot deal with just getting through tough and annoying classes for 4 more years?
You make connections and understand peopleâs behavior.
We learn to think critically and work in teams.
All these soft skills are more vital and prominent in anyoneâs success.
You can teach anything to anyone, but knowing how to lead a team and have patience takes diligence, practice, and time.
99% of us donât have this.
Especially in this polarized world, we want to argue and not listen to the other side because we are too afraid our opinion is so week we will be dominated by someone who is more realistic than us.
We always try to find the solution right away and care about appraisal versus growing ourselves.
Look for solutions, not ways to cut corners or impress others.
If you are bored with school but are forced into it, look into the unexpected things such as communication, networks, and soft skills that come out of clubs, friendships, and group projects that will make you better off than just knowing how to program in C and have no interpersonal skills.
Dark Hole
If you are close-minded and know AP Biology is the best subject because you found the cheat sheet on Chegg doesnât mean you shouldnât explore other fields.
We are so addicted to feeling comfortable that we donât want to explore and risk making mistakes to better ourselves 10x more.
I cannot say much else about this because only a few of you will actually acknowledge this but what I would advise is the earlier you can have an open instead of a close mind, more things will come your way.
Donât wait for anything, just test, experiment and explore life.
Things will come much more easily and naturally for you that way and make sure to enjoy the process as well.
Assumption Deflect
How you do in school has truly no reflection on how you will do in life.
I got stellar grades throughout school because I worked extremely hard meeting with teachers in office hours and taking my time but…
I know others who got horrible grades with tutors and experts by their side on 24/7.
So what does this mean?
It is up to you to make it work.
If you spend the time and have the patience to get through tedious tasks, you will be better off than cramming and doing it for a temporary score.
Tests truly do not represent what you know or how you will do later in life.
Tests are the easiest ways for instructors, professors, teachers, you get it, to assess what you know.
But if you donât know much, they wonât backtrack and go over the subject for you.
They need to keep moving on and that is not what life is about all the time.
Absolutely, understanding how to move on from a loss or a heartbreak is important, but if you donât do something right, make a mistake or fail, learning what you did wrong is more important than if you got it right by accident.
There is truly no point in assessing someoneâs knowledge in a timed exam.
You space out and only memorize information for it to be gone the next day.
Entrepreneurs and the most successful leaders train themselves and focus on what is most important.
In school, we have less leeway and in that case, donât fixate on a grade to impress others.
Yes, grades do boost your GPA and then you can get into a good college, etc. but if you arenât enjoying the process, beating yourself up for no reason and not learning anything, might as well get worse grades to help you slow down and really learn.
It’s up to you to decide what you do.
Grades, friends, external factors, and impressions can affect you but you are in control.
I never let it cross my mind.
I put those distractions at bay and understand how I will feel later if I didn’t do that.
This has taken me a while to learn and practice as a student that once became fixated about the next assignment score or status in my club.
Thinking about the future is key.
Make sure you donât overanalyze, compare yourself because you will truly laugh at yourself as Iâm doing now about what I worried about before.
My mental health, sanity, thoughts, and ideas wouldâve been so much better and I wouldâve gotten so much more done if I didnât rely on the assumptions that the highest achievers are the ones with the best results.
To earn great results, you must accept you arenât the best, nor you wan to become one.
Stay grounded an humble, loyal to your interests, and make it a priority to spend time on things you enjoy.
Life doesnât always work and even if you do become an entrepreneur or an employee, you will get farther than others if you relieve yourself of that work-life balance since you must enjoy both equally and set your priorities straight.