At one point or another in life, many of us have lived with the nagging feeling of never being enough or even being stuck. Be it the post-high school blues, college post-graduation blues, or an overwhelming uncertainty that accompanies job changes or phases of life, this feeling of being in a holding pattern can be overwhelming. What if I were to tell you, however, that those feelings of being “stuck” and “not enough” aren’t always bad? Quite the contrary, these feelings can be ring signposts, pointing toward deeper growth and important life lessons.
In our fast-moving, accomplishment-based world, we’re primed to always want more: more accomplishments, more acknowledgment, more money, more of everything. We’re led to believe we have failed if we find ourselves in a state of stagnation, that there’s something wrong with us if we feel like we’re simply not enough. The truth is that just perhaps these feelings may be an indication that we’re ready for something more.
The Post-Graduation Paradox: Embrace the Change
Feeling stuck right after graduation is pretty common, from high school to undergrad and beyond. Having gone from structured school life into the randomness of the “real world” can be disorienting, even for someone like myself who’s worked since HS. Without the clear goals, deadlines, and expectations that drove us through school, we are left fending for ourselves in a landscape that often feels overwhelming.
I’ve felt this myself, and the last year has been a whirlwind of new experiences with my MBA, taking on a number of new jobs on top of my full-time career, and just running at an all-time high. On paper, it may seem impressive with new opportunities, challenges, learning experiences, but inside, it’s been a different story. There’s this voice that still whispers into my ears, “You are not doing enough, you’re stuck, you’re falling behind.”
But here is the thing: growth happens in the discomfort of being stuck. If we were always comfortable, nothing would change. The challenge is that we are hardwired to seek stability, and when such stability crumbles, often, we lose our way. But this is where magic strikes; it is the discomfort that leads to evolution. The reward for hard work is great, but at times, life needs to be hard so that it can help us put our progress into perspective and directions we are taking.
I get bored easily, and for me, change and challenge aren’t just exciting-they’re mandatory. I want to test my limits, push my boundaries, and experience something new. As much as it can feel chaotic, it’s the unpredictability that keeps me moving. And yet, despite all the newness and change, sometimes I still feel stuck. That’s where the problem lies-not in the circumstances but in my perception of them.
Comparison Trap
I understand that most of my being “stuck” and “not enough” has been coming from one thing: comparison. In today’s world, where we are constantly bombarded with social media news and advertisements, it is very easy to compare ourselves to others. We see someone else’s success, someone else’s achievements, someone else’s perfect picture of life, and then we immediately judge ourselves harshly.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” but in practice, it’s so much harder to live by. Literally, with the wiring to be curious about others, it’s almost impossible not to measure ourselves against those around us. We ask ourselves, “Why don’t I have it all together like they do?” or “How are they so successful, and I feel so behind?”
But let me tell you something: the collection of anything external, no matter how bright and shiny it may be, will not bring happiness. There’s something in behavioral economics called the hedonic treadmill. Basically, it says that no matter how much we gain-money, status, or recognition-after a certain level, that feeling of happiness seems to stabilize. We’re always chasing the next thing, but too often, it doesn’t bring enduring fulfillment.
Honestly, most of us don’t need nearly as much as we think we do. We consume so much more than we need, which can be material things or sometimes even the very idea of success. And yet, often we are still empty. True fulfillment doesn’t come from what we have; it comes from how we perceive what we have.
The Negative Self-Talk Trap
With all these new updates on paper — my MBA, new job opportunities, growth in my career-the reality is that sometimes I still feel empty inside. That sense of “not being enough” creeps in. It’s hard not to fall into the trap of negative self-talk, especially when we hold ourselves to high standards. We get frustrated that we’re not moving faster or accomplishing more. We feel like we should be further now, and when we’re not, the voice of self-doubt gets louder.
That’s what I mean by perfectionism-a trap I find myself in far more often than I’d care to admit. When things aren’t just perfectly figured out by that magic age or stage in your life, well, you’re somehow failing. But let’s get real for a second: growth isn’t linear. It doesn’t fit on a timeline of beginning, middle, and end; it has no single destination. And sometimes, feeling stuck is just part of the process-and that’s okay.
So, how do we get out of this vicious cycle of feeling “not enough” yet still stuck as overachievers? How do we get out of our own way?
How to Overcome Feeling Stuck & Not Enough
The first step is to acknowledge those feelings but don’t identify with them. The feeling of being stuck and not enough-is an emotion, therefore temporary; it is not a permanent state. Such emotions are valid, though. They don’t define you. They come with the package called the human experience and have nothing to do with your worth or potential.
Practice self-compassion
This is one I struggle with often. As overachievers, we’re hardwired to be hard on ourselves, but we do need to soften that inner critic. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend-with kindness, with understanding, and with encouragement. Extend the same compassion to yourself as you would to others.
Challenge Comparison in a Game
Every time you notice yourself comparing your successes to somebody else’s, stop for a moment and reword that thought. Nobody’s path in life is the same, and social media only shows the highlight of what occurred. Instead, focus on your road and take the time to celebrate those small victories en route.
Reconnect with Your Values
When people either lose their direction or feel stuck, it is quite easy for one to lose sight of the greater ‘why’ driving every action or decision they make. Reflect on core values and passions-what drives you, what excites you? Reconnecting with your deeper purpose can help regain clarity and direction.
Lean into the Discomfort
It’s much better not to fear the discomfort that comes with change or uncertainty, but rather learn to embrace it as a sure sign you’re growing. Challenges will always be part of the process, and surmounting them is attaining another level in self-discovery and growth.
Now, remember that life is not about reaching that certain point of “enough.” Life is about the ups and downs, learning from those setbacks to grow through them. Stop once in a while and start celebrating where you are now and how far you’ve come.
Feel Enough by Embracing the Stuckness
Feeling stuck doesn’t mean you aren’t going forward; it simply means you’re on the verge of transition into growth again. And when you feel confused, unsure, and even overwhelmed-just know it is part of the human experience and perhaps a sign that something big is coming. So, the next time you find yourself stuck in the comparison spiral or self-doubt, remind yourself that it does not define you. You are enough. Just as you are. And the feeling of discomfort is part of the process-a process that turns you into something even more. Bottom line: the journey itself is the reward.