How I’ve Combatted the Need to be Liked and Excessive Worry

At some point in life, many of us find ourselves stuck in a pattern of seeking outside validation, striving to please others, and becoming obsessed with public opinion.

Such a destructive process can slowly erode our mental well-being and self-confidence. I was no exception to this phenomenon. In the past, I was one of those people who needed to be liked by everyone, always seeking others’ approval and allowing my fears to run my life. But over time, I learned that this constant need for external validation and fear of criticism was holding me back — not just in my relationships with others but also in my own growth and general happiness.

In this article, I would like to share with you the strategies and mental shifts that helped me overcome the need for social acceptance and free myself from crippling anxiety all while staying true to my authentic self in the process.

If you’re ready to stop seeking outside validation and start living a life focused on self-satisfaction, read on.

1. Understanding the Root Causes of the Need for Social Acceptance

For years, I didn’t fully understand why I craved other people’s approval. After taking a step back and observing, I understood it was intricately linked to insecurity and fear of rejection. As humans, we are hardwired to seek connection and acceptance. Yet in linking our sense of self to others’ views, we allow ourselves to fall under the dictatorship of their perception. This was when it came to me: I needed to develop self-validation, not seek external validation.

Methodology Used:

Self-Reflection: I took time to genuinely seek out the very root of my insecurities. What was it that I feared? What brought on this need for validation? Writing in a journal was quite instrumental in uncovering my tangled web of self-doubt.

Self-Acknowledgment: I started acknowledging every little and big achievement and milestone. Instead of expecting others’ acknowledgement or praise, I made a habit of acknowledging my own deeds regularly.

Mindful Awareness: When I caught myself in a moment of people-pleasing, I’d pause and ask myself, “Why do I feel the need to act this way? What am I avoiding or fearing?” This helped me interrupt the cycle and shift my focus inward.

Key Takeaway:

Self-validation is a powerful thing. You are enough, no matter what the need for constant praise or approval from others. Start validating your own efforts, and you will begin to change how you show up in the world — more authentic and less dependent on outside opinions.

2. Setting Boundaries Without Guilt

A big part of overcoming the need for approval was setting personal boundaries. In the past, I agreed to everything — from social invitations to professional commitments and even things I did not really want to do — just so I could avoid disappointing people. But over time, I came to realize that saying yes to everyone all the time was draining me, and often, people didn’t even notice or appreciate the sacrifices I was making.

How I Did It:

Acknowledging My Limitations: I began to recognize instances in which I was overextending myself. I found it necessary to pose the question, “What do I require at this moment?” Rather than hastily consenting to a request, I took a brief period for contemplation.

Clear Communication: I learned to say “no” kindly but firmly. Instead of over-explaining or justifying my decisions, I’d say, “I can’t commit to that right now,” or “That doesn’t align with my priorities at the moment.”

Cease Excessive Apologizing: I observed that whenever I declined an invitation, I would tend to over-apologize or feel compelled to justify my decision. Presently, I maintain brevity in my responses: “I’m going to pass this time. Thank you for understanding.”

Essential Insight:

Boundaries are not selfish; they are for your well-being. Setting limits without guilt is a form of self-respect. And in time, you will come to realize that people who really care about you will respect your decisions and appreciate your honesty.

3. The Power of “Good Enough

Perfectionism frequently manifests as a variant of people-pleasing behavior. In our pursuit of perfection, we are often engaging in subconscious efforts to regulate the perceptions others hold of us.

For several years, I found myself ensnared in this predicament, perpetually anxious about my perceived inadequacies and concerned that others might disapprove of my work, physical appearance, or choices. Ultimately, however, I reached a pivotal realization that the concept of being “good enough” is, in fact, more than sufficient.

How I Achieved This:

Changed My Perspective: I started to view mistakes and setbacks as learning opportunities, not failures. Instead of trying to control every outcome, I began to enjoy the process and the lessons that came along with it.

Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: I stopped focusing on the end product and started to acknowledge the small steps and progress I was making along the way.

Practice self-compassion: I gave myself permission to not be perfect, and when I slipped up, I was kind to myself rather than getting down on myself. Perfection is exhausting and often unnecessary; embracing your humanity makes life feel lighter.

Key Takeaway:

“Good enough” is more than enough — and it frees you from the heavy burden of perfectionism. When you let go of the need to be flawless, you make room for authenticity, growth, and a whole lot less worry.

4. Reframing Worry into Action

At one time, anxiety was my default mode of operation. I would obsess over potential problems, visualize the worst-case scenarios, and paralyze myself with indecision. I used to think that worry would help me avoid disaster; instead, it just sapped my energy and made me less productive.

How I Did It:

Mindfulness and Meditation: I started being mindful in all my daily activities. This helped me recognize moments when I was getting overwhelmed by anxiety; instead of letting such thoughts control my mind, I started focusing on my breathing, thus grounding myself to the present moment.

Break Problems Into Actionable Steps: When I started to feel overwhelmed by worry, I’d break the situation down into manageable tasks. Instead of focusing on “what ifs,” I focused on “what can I do now?” This turned my worries into tangible actions.

Reduce Anxiety-Producing Stimuli: I became aware of the situations, news sources, and social media accounts that fed my anxiety. Reducing exposure to them helped me cut down on sources of anxiety and feel more in control of my mind.

Action is an antidote to anxiety. Through taking small, purposeful steps to address a specific problem, the individual shifts from a state of fear to one of control. In addition, mindfulness helps the person to stay in the current moment rather than worrying about an imaginary future.

5. Reconceptualizing Failure and Rejection

One of the most powerful shifts in my journey was changing how I viewed failure and rejection. For so long, I had this fear that failure means I wasn’t good enough, that others would judge me harshly. But as time went on, I began to understand that rejection is simply a part of life, and many times, failure is just the path to success.

How I Did It:

Normalize Failure: I started to see failure not as a personal indictment but as an opportunity to learn and grow. Every successful person has faced failure. It’s not about avoiding it — it’s about learning from it.

Reframe Rejection: Instead of internalizing rejection, I started viewing it as a sign that I was pushing myself outside my comfort zone. Rejection simply means “not right now”, not “not ever”.

Celebrate Small Wins: I began to celebrate each small victory, however trivial the achievement seemed. This helped me to shift my focus toward growth rather than getting bogged down in goals not met.

Most Important Lesson:

The experiences of failure and rejection do not make an individual’s identity but strengthen it. Redefining those kinds of events as learning opportunities will keep one capable of ridding himself of fears and approaching challenges in life with a much stronger resilience.

Conclusion: Wearing My Real Skin

One of the most liberating journeys ever taken is letting go of the need for likability and worrying less about what other people think. It’s not about ignoring the feelings and opinions of others completely but about balance — and not letting those things dictate my worth in my own mind.

I have learned that real happiness comes from within and does not depend on others’ validation. By practicing authenticity, setting boundaries, and reframing worry and rejection, I got to live more freely and confidently. And while the journey is still continuing, I am much more at peace with myself and the place I am headed toward.

If you struggle with people-pleasing or excessive worrying, know this: You are not alone. And you can break free from these patterns. You will learn through self-love, establishing boundaries, and taking action that the only approval you really need is your own.